Lindsay Hess – Pitch Wars #PimpMyBio

Well hi, howdy hello! Lindsay Hess here, aka @LindsayLHess on Twitter. I am thrilled to participate in Pitch Wars this year – if you aren’t familiar with the contest, check out Brenda Drake’s blog to learn more. To all my fellow mentee hopefuls and the wonderful mentors, welcome to my humble little corner of the internet! I’m glad you’re here.




Who’s That Girl?

(It’s *not* Jess. Sorry to disappoint, New Girl fans.)

I’m a Texan born and bred, and would probably fight to the death over the last taco from Taco Casa. For the last three wonderful years I’ve been married to my sweet, sexy college sweetheart, and we have two cats that I rescued from a dumpster. One really likes water; he slinks into the shower with us every morning (someone really needs to teach that cat how to cat). Speaking of cats, one time in China I sang a four-minute song with lyrics consisting entirely of the word “meow” for an audience of about 1,000 people. On purpose. Then I ate a deep-fried scorpion on a stick and cried.

I love to cook, hate tomatoes with the fire of a thousand suns, suck at growing herbs in my garden no matter how many times I try (RIP basil), and firmly believe that boxed wine is just as good as its fancier bottled cousin.

My favorite books include the Outlander series (swoon), Undertow, Brandon Sanderson’s Mistborn trilogy, Ready Player One, The Lost Sisterhood, Tess of the D’Urbervilles, Shakespeare (I know he technically wrote plays, not books, but I have a theatre degree and can’t help it, maybe if you read several back-to-back for a comparable amount of time they could still count?), the Red Rising trilogy (Pierce Brown is my boyfriend… no one tell my husband), Divergent, Gail Carriger’s Finishing School series, Looking for Alaska, Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy… I could go on for days. As for television, I am completely, hopelessly, unendingly devoted to Gilmore Girls, Community, Pretty Little Liars, Parks & Recreation and The Bachelor/ette.




What’s the Book About?

INTERGALACTIC THISTLE is a young adult space opera with light sci-fi elements, complete at 72,000 words. Here’s part of the query:

As the daughter of the Sovereign reigning over a massive intergalactic Viking space empire, 16-year-old Ingrid “Thistle” Angsar III should have the perfect life. But when her predetermined future starts to catch up with her and threatens to derail her dream of becoming an intergalactically-renowned chef, Thistle faces a choice: follow her heart or her family.

Enrolled against her will in the prestigious Intergalactic Academy for Emerging Leaders, Thistle must learn the ins and outs of leadership… which is much easier said than done. For starters, her professor thinks she can’t handle the job. Additionally, the power-hungry son of her family’s arch nemeses won’t stop harassing her. And the most annoying of all: how is she supposed to perfect a lovely béarnaise sauce with her control-freak royal mother breathing down her neck all the time?!

Her family’s place in history is at stake, and Thistle must decide what’s more important: her dreams, or her family’s honor. But when hostile extraterrestrial foes kidnap her parents and threaten to annihilate the empire, it’s up to Thistle to save the future of Viking-kind as they know it.

And here’s a visual sneak peek!







Why Me?

I am a hard worker desperately seeking critique that will take my book to the next level. I know everyone says it, but it’s true. I’m teachable, hungry to improve my skills, and am ready to work hard, bust my ass, and put in the elbow grease required to make INTERGALACTIC THISTLE sparkle more than the “Frost Yourself” ad Matthew McConaughey’s character pitched in How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days. (I also come fully equipped with endless film quotes and pop culture references of questionable relevance. And sarcasm.)


Thanks for visiting, and good luck to everyone! Have a wonderful Pitch Wars.

— Lindsay Hess

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