Weekend Shenanigans

I’m going to be honest with you; my brain isn’t fully doing the thinking and the wordsing and the putting thoughts into the sentence making just yet this morning. I think it’s because I’m so close to death.

We’ll get to that later.

It’s Monday which obviously means it’s time that I tell you about my weekend. So pour yourself some vino, buckle up and let’s jump right in. …. Yes, I know it’s the morning, why? Oh. Okay, fine. Pour yourself a mimosa then. You do you, honey.

Friday nights are just about my favorite thing in the world. I love our Friday routine; Andy and I cozy up with dinner, pour some wine, turn on a good movie and just relax together. It’s heavenly. Our Friday flick this week was Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, and I was NOT pleased when they killed Gandalf Dumbledore, and honestly I’m still a little bit mad about it. Also I think Harry is the last whore horcrux, but I’m still too upset to watch the next movies and find out.

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Just a little bit upset at the end.

 

I know what you’re going to ask and no, I have never read the books, and yes, I’m just now watching the movies for the first time. Except Deathly Hallows 2; I watched it in China a few years ago so I vaguely remember how it ends.

Saturday we did some more lounging around (we take our lounging quite seriously) and then that night went to my mom’s Relay for Life event. My mom kicked breast cancer’s ass a year and a half ago, and if you ask me we should do a Relay for Life-level celebration every day. She’s that amazing.

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Sunday I volunteered at the Byron Nelson golf tournament, which I am told is a big deal. Hashtag job perks. My company hosts an awesome event off the 15th hole tee box and the 14th hole green each year. I got to drive a golf cart around all day, hang out with cool colleagues and eat the most delicious bacon-wrapped, cheese-stuffed jalapeños of my life (second only to mine, get the recipe here). It was a really fun day.

 

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The flags of our DFW-area country and business clubs.

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Turns out golf can be like, really pretty.
(So you agree, you think you’re really pretty?)

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You already saw this if you follow me on Instagram.

 

The only down side is that whole near death experience I mentioned earlier.

You see, I left my smart brain at home (golf tournaments apparently start at the crack of dawn) and didn’t think to put on sunscreen because duh I was inside a golf cart and everyone knows that’s inside of a golf cart you’re so completely shielded from the sun that it’s basically like being inside.

Except not. at. all. I am the proud new owner of the most attractive pair of lobster legs you have ever seen.

 

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Ignore the weird angle and proportions. I do not actually have miniature baby feet or alarmingly large thighs. Not that alarming, anyway.

 

Here is a short list of daily activities I’ve learned my new lobster legs do not enjoy:

  • Being under the covers in bed
  • Showering
  • SHAVING
  • Being touched by anyone or anything, including (but not limited to): Maverick and Fancy, the breezy maxi dress I’m wearing and the kitchen table leg I ran into and instantly regretted this morning
  • Standing

It is clear that this is the end for me. Please tell my family I love them.

—The Wife in Training

11 Comments

  • Reply May 19, 2014

    Juliette

    YOUR. LEGS. Holy burnt. I am having sympathy pains right now and WHY WOULD YOU EVEN TRY TO SHAVE THOSE LOBSTERS???

    • Reply May 19, 2014

      admin

      I’M SORRY JULIETTE IT WON’T HAPPEN AGAIN TRUST ME.

  • Reply May 19, 2014

    Kai

    OMG! I would probably die if I got that burnt. Aloe it up!

    • Reply May 19, 2014

      admin

      I’ve got the aloe vera in my purse at work today hahaha. So classy.

  • SUNSCREEN. Lather those things in aloe.

    • Reply May 20, 2014

      admin

      SO MUCH ALOE.

  • Up until the sunburn it sounds like you had a pretty fabulous weekend! I did the lobster legs (and back) thing just before my High School graduation & prom. Not wanting to sit was great when taking final exams! The pain will *eventually* go away, until then self-pity and aloe are the way to go!

    • Reply May 20, 2014

      admin

      Ouch ouch ouch that sounds terrible to have it on the front AND back!

  • Reply May 21, 2014

    lauren packer

    i am so sorry!! i had a horribly bad sunburn last fourth of july. it was horrible. livinginanotherlanguage.com just posted a sunburn remedy. maybe that will help!

  • Reply May 27, 2014

    FAITH

    I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU TRIED TO SHAVE. BAD BAD BAD LIFE DECISION.

    • Reply May 27, 2014

      admin

      BECAUSE I AM A GREAT BIG STUPID IDIOT. On so many levels.

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