I’m going to be honest with you; my brain isn’t fully doing the thinking and the wordsing and the putting thoughts into the sentence making just yet this morning. I think it’s because I’m so close to death.
We’ll get to that later.
It’s Monday which obviously means it’s time that I tell you about my weekend. So pour yourself some vino, buckle up and let’s jump right in. …. Yes, I know it’s the morning, why? Oh. Okay, fine. Pour yourself a mimosa then. You do you, honey.
Friday nights are just about my favorite thing in the world. I love our Friday routine; Andy and I cozy up with dinner, pour some wine, turn on a good movie and just relax together. It’s heavenly. Our Friday flick this week was Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, and I was NOT pleased when they killed Gandalf Dumbledore, and honestly I’m still a little bit mad about it. Also I think Harry is the last whore horcrux, but I’m still too upset to watch the next movies and find out.
I know what you’re going to ask and no, I have never read the books, and yes, I’m just now watching the movies for the first time. Except Deathly Hallows 2; I watched it in China a few years ago so I vaguely remember how it ends.
Saturday we did some more lounging around (we take our lounging quite seriously) and then that night went to my mom’s Relay for Life event. My mom kicked breast cancer’s ass a year and a half ago, and if you ask me we should do a Relay for Life-level celebration every day. She’s that amazing.
Sunday I volunteered at the Byron Nelson golf tournament, which I am told is a big deal. Hashtag job perks. My company hosts an awesome event off the 15th hole tee box and the 14th hole green each year. I got to drive a golf cart around all day, hang out with cool colleagues and eat the most delicious bacon-wrapped, cheese-stuffed jalapeños of my life (second only to mine, get the recipe here). It was a really fun day.
The only down side is that whole near death experience I mentioned earlier.
You see, I left my smart brain at home (golf tournaments apparently start at the crack of dawn) and didn’t think to put on sunscreen because duh I was inside a golf cart and everyone knows that’s inside of a golf cart you’re so completely shielded from the sun that it’s basically like being inside.
Except not. at. all. I am the proud new owner of the most attractive pair of lobster legs you have ever seen.
Here is a short list of daily activities I’ve learned my new lobster legs do not enjoy:
- Being under the covers in bed
- Being touched by anyone or anything, including (but not limited to): Maverick and Fancy, the breezy maxi dress I’m wearing and the kitchen table leg I ran into and instantly regretted this morning
It is clear that this is the end for me. Please tell my family I love them.
—The Wife in Training