Things That Make Me Stabby

Urban Dictionary defines “stabby” as such: The feeling one has when one is in a particularly bad mood about wither nothing or something. It doesn’t matter. You are feeling borderline homicidal. Ideas of stabbing things to relieve the seething anger come to mind. Then you get distrated or blog about it and it goes away.


Could you please use it in a sentence? I was cut off many times today on my way to work, then I spilled coffee on my white shirt. It would be a bad idea to piss me off today because I am feeling stabby right now.

Comprendo? Excellente.

Why do you care? Yesterday Kayla over at Keeping Up With K posted about Things That Make Her Stabby. Because of PMS For some unknown reason I’ve been feeling slightly stabby myself lately, so I decided to shamelessly steal borrow Kayla’s brilliant post idea.


Expensive airplane fares. I need to go visit Caitlin and Juliette and Faith and travel the world and those sky-high (see what I did there?) prices are totally not cool, bro.
Level of Stabbiness: Minor needle-and-thread incident

The whisker I grew on my chin. I AM 25 YEARS OLD PEOPLE. I shouldn’t really be surprised, I come from a line of alarmingly hairy people. My eyebrows are not so much eyebrows as they are intrusive forehead triangles that must be constantly attended to for fear of sprouting a small forest on my face. Thanks, genetics.
Level of Stabbiness: Prison shank attack

Taco Bueno switching to Pepsi. For the eleventy billionth time there IS a difference and it DOES matter (“It’s NOT that common, it DOESN’T happen to every guy and it IS a big deal”).
Level of Stabbiness: Et tu, Brute?

Weekend mornings when the  monster kitties decide “That’s enough sleeping now” and I am privy to the oh-so-soothing symphony of PAW PAW PAW BANG BANG BANG SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH on the bedroom door.
Level of Stabbiness: Sabertooth tiger

Slow moving drivers in my neighborhood. We get it, you’re responsible. However no one lives here yet, there are no children at play – for Heaven’s sake, Google doesn’t even know we exist. So if you could kindly drive your speed-deficient vehicle even just the tiniest bit faster than molasses in the Wisconsin winter so I can get home in time for wine o’clock an entirely sober dinner with my husband, I sure would appreciate it.
Level of Stabbiness: OJ Simpson

Every. Single. Cliffhanger. on the Nashville season finale last night. Can I get an amen?!
Level of Stabbiness: Rayna James’ dangerously huge and stabby-looking engagement ring

The fact that the names Everleigh, Evie and any derivations thereof will no doubt be way too popular to use when Señor Hess and I finally procreate. Waaaay off into the future.
Level of Stabbiness: Stabberleigh McStabberpants Hessstabber

Tune back in tomorrow when I [probably] won’t be in jail.
—The Wife in Training



  • Reply May 15, 2014


    You are one of the funniest people I know and I need you to write a book NOW.

    • Reply May 27, 2014


      You’re really nice and I like you.

  • Reply May 15, 2014


    Oh Ross and Rachel.. Hahah

  • Reply May 21, 2014


    OMG, that was hilarious! Top three things that make me stabby: 1.) when my dog circles for 5 minutes in the freeIng cold to find the perfect spot to poo 2.) when people at the airport who are in boarding zone 3 stand right in front of the line and the zone 1 people can’t get through 3.) when my freshman will not put away their effing cell phones after I just told them two minutes ago to put away their cell phones. Gah!! (Maybe I need to do a post about this too…) Loved it! :)

    • Reply May 27, 2014


      1) SO MUCH YES. You are a dog, just pee already. 2) I don’t know from firsthand experience, but it sounds obnoxious and I hope I never encounter this. 3) Yeah that’s really annoying, you should take the phones away and only give them back after….I don’t know, they compliment you five times and bring you a Diet Coke.

  • Reply May 26, 2014


    I love this! I generally feel stabby anytime I’m hungry, which has proven to be quite dangerous for those frequently in my company.

    • Reply May 27, 2014



  • Reply May 27, 2014


    hahahahaha I love you so much. Your levels of stabbiness cracked me up.


    • Reply May 27, 2014


      I KNOW I need to eat tacos with you immediately.

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