The Wife in Training Makeup Tutorial

The other day a few friends and I were chatting in Facebook land about really important things like current events, solutions to world hunger and potential undiscovered cures for cancer.

Hahaaa just kidding we were talking about mascara and eyelash curlers.

FB 1I never joke about mascara.

Also, let the record show that Kylie is very, very nice, and in no way a whore.

FB 2I can help you with that, Meaghan. Does she not have the best last name? That’s how you win marriage, folks.

Anyway, all this makeup talk got the wheels my little makeup-loving blogger mind a turnin’, and, well….

Without any further ado, I give you the inaugural Wife in Training makeup tutorial!

A few ground rules:

1. Pay no mind to my messy bathroom. Please.
2. If you ever mention having seen me without makeup I will unfortunately be forced to kill you on the spot.
3. I can’t really think of a third rule, but two didn’t seem like enough. Sooo…yeah. Three.

Okay, here we go. First, start with your own personal skincare/foundation regimen. I don’t use foundation, BB cream is my poison. BB cream covers flaws, but feels a lot lighter than full-on foundation. Maybelline Dream Fresh is my favorite, and then I use Laura Mercier Secret under eye concealer. It’s more dollars than the usual drugstore suspects, but it is so totally worthsies. Great coverage, lasts forever, try it. Finish with powder. I use Cover Girl Professional Loose Powder, because it’s what my great grandmother Sybil used. It smells like her.

photoBlush/bronzer time. Starting close to my ear, I align my brush strokes under my cheekbone, sweeping down and inwards, towards my nose, and then use a circular motion for the apples of my cheeks. My blush is Cover Girl in Iced Plum, and I also have Too Faced bronzer in Snow Bunny (don’t let the name fool you, it’s just for pale people who want to pretend to be tan). I love them equally.

photo2Moving on to the eyes. I start with a highlight shade under the eyebrow: Maybelline’s Champagne Fizz. It also looks great applied to the inner corner of your eye for a night out. Makeup hack: it helps brighten things up if you have dark circles in the morning, too.

photo3I like to use a neutral taupe for my eyelids. I apply Maybelline’s Tastefully Taupe shadow all over the lids, then extend it up a bit into the creasey part where lid meets brow bone. I’m sure there is a technical name for that, but I can’t be bothered to look it up.

photo4Okay: here’s my favorite part. The no fail, perfect smoky eye V. This is the part where I use a dark accent shade to create a sideways V shape, then blend it into the perfect smoky eye.

I learned this trick from my years in theatre. “Can they see your makeup from the back row? No? Then YOU NEED MORE!”

This is what it’ll look like when we’re done:

photo8See? V.

I use Smashbox’s Midnight Black, which Google seems to think no longer exists. Google is drunk, it totally still exists. I actually dropped mine on the ground a while ago and shattered it into tons of little pieces, but it’s expensive and I’m too stubborn to buy a new one so now I have loose powder eyeshadow. I shake a little into the lid, then load up my brush:

photo5Starting at your eyelid’s outer corner, work a slanted swipe of color from the outer corner of your eye inwards, covering the outer 1/3 [approximately] of the length of your eyelid:

photo6Now carry it upwards, along the natural crease of your eyelid. Experiment, find what works for you – you can use more or less dark accent shadow, depending on how dramatic you like your smoky eye.

Me? I like a lot of drama.

photo7Next up: blending. I like to use this big, fluffy brush. We want to blend the harsh outer lines of the accent shadow, giving your smoky eye a softer look.

photo9Now that we’ve blended, it’s time to carry a bit of the dark accent shadow down along the lower lash line. This is really just a softer alternative to using eyeliner on your lower lash line. I like to use the eyeshadow because it looks softer, and less harsh than heavy eyeliner.

I use an angled brush similar to this one from Sephora. Load the angled edge with some of your dark accent shadow, and kindly ignore my toothbrush photobomb:

photo10Starting at the outer corner, brush the powder along the lower lash line. I normally carry mine about halfway in, but it also looks great when you do the entire lower lash line.

photo11Line your top lid with the eyeliner of your choice. I used liquid for years, but just switched to CoverGirl’s Perfect Point Plus eyeliner. I like pencil over liquid because it looks softer.

Are you beginning to notice a trend?

photo12Okay ladies, here we go. Eyelash curling time. Put your big girl panties on, pour yourself a drink and get your mascara wands ready. This one’s for you, Meaghan.

photo13Gently slide the eyelash curler up to the roots of your eyelashes, and squeeze to make sure you didn’t get any eyelid up in there. There is nothing more painful than accidental eyelid squeezing, not even a brazillian wax – well, childbirth is probably up there, but I have no children and therefore cannot vouch for its pain level. But I’ve heard it’s terrible, so I’m really not in a big rush.

Wow, that took a turn.

I’ve heard several people recommend heating up your eyelash curler with a blow dryer before curling your lashes. To those people I say, you are a heaping bunch of crazies. All that does is ensure that you will scorch your eyelid, which is as painful as it is irritating – stupid heat-suggesting liars.

If you are one of the rare sparkly unicorns who has successfully pulled off the pre-curl heating method, kudos.

Anyhow. Once you’ve confirmed that you are not about to give birth and that your eyelash curler is not going to a) crunch your eyelid, and b) not burn the shizz out of aforementioned eyelid, squeeze down to curl. Hold for about 10 seconds.

photo14 STOP. Mascara time.

Loreal Voluminous is my very best friend, and I always, ALWAYS use waterproof. Staring at the root of your newly curled lashes, cover those babies with several generous coats of mascara.

photo15Why, hello there extreme closeup. Thank the Lord I remembered to shave my mustache before taking these pictures.

Coat both your topsies and your bottomsies with lots and lots of mascara. You won’t be sorry.

photo16Extreme Closeup #2. Photo credit to my charming, sweet, wonderful husband who dutifully stood there and didn’t even mind when I made him take the same picture seven times.

photo17Alright folks, there you have it. Thank you for tuning into The Wife In Training’s first ever makeup tutorial, brought to you by Denny’s Grand Slam Breakfast.

Just kidding.

Hit me up if you have any questions. You know where to find me:

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  • Reply March 3, 2014


    YOU ARE THE PRETTIEST PERSON EVER OH MY GOSH. When you say topsides and bottomsies it makes me think of Gollum. And I just remembered I told you not to get waterproof mascara… oops, I didn’t know you like waterproof. My bad. I’m going to get that blush because it looks fantastic on you. And your smoky eye is amazing.

  • […] degree taught me a thing or two about makeup application – I even did a tutorial once, which you can check out here. Note: I used different eyeshadow colors in the tutorial than those I’m about to name. Anyhooker, […]

  • Reply July 18, 2014


    I’d like to hire (and I’m using that word lightly, because monies) to come do my hair and make up every morning.

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