Once upon a time there were two very adorable baby kittens. Not just any very adorable baby kittens, but very adorable baby kittens that some evil human abandoned in a dumpster. That evil human awaits a special assigned seat in hell, thus sayeth the author, though she digresses.
The two very adorable baby kittens and the rest of their equally adorable baby kitten brothers and sisters all found happy, loving homes and lived happily ever after. And yes, the very adorable baby sister kitten got that nasty eye infection all cleared up and taken care of.
Then, two years later, on a dark and not-at-all-stormy night, the two very adorable baby kittens (who were now two very adorable grown-up cats) decided to thank their adoptive fur mommy and daddy for their generosity and adoration not with kisses, snuggles and purrs, but with wild shenanigans and general tomfoolery all. night. long.
Around 10:30 that night, Fur Mommy and Fur Daddy decided it was time for bed. They were both very exhausted after a long day working hard to provide for the two very adorable grown-up cats, and they tumbled into bed with their sleep-laden eyelids already drooping. The two very adorable grown-up cats snuggled up next to them: Maverick at the foot of the bed, and Fancy between Fur Mommy’s and Fur Daddy’s pillows. Fur Mommy and Fur Daddy talked for a few minutes about the next day’s impending events, their weekend plans and, of course, how very, very much they loved their two very adorable grown-up cats.
That was when all hell broke loose.
Out of the corner of his cat eye, Maverick saw Fur Mommy’s foot wiggle as she twisted over into her sleeping position. Without a moment’s hesitation, Maverick let out an uninhabited feline “MEEEOOOW” pounced on Fur Mommy’s foot, biting it from his position atop the comforter. Not to be outdone, Fancy launched an immediate attack as well. Though in her haste to join the foot-biting party, she instead pounced on her brother Maverick. Maverick leapt straight up into the air in a terrified stupor. Much hissing, meowing and gnashing of teeth ensued.
The two very adorable grown-up cats began chasing each other around Fur Mommy’s and Fur Daddy’s bedroom in an all-out reckless sprint. They pounced on faces, furniture and eyeballs in their desperation to catch and conquer each other. They crashed their two very adorable grown-up cat bodies into doors, causing quite a ruckus, and Fur Mommy and Fur Daddy were quickly growing agitated.
Finally Fur Mommy and Fur Daddy had had enough, and evicted the two very adorable grown-up cats from their bedroom. “Shut up you monsters,” Fur Mommy screamed (lovingly) at them from behind the locked bedroom door. Fur Mommy and Fur Daddy climbed back into bed, their bodies heavy with deep exhaustion.
Four minutes later there came a paw- paw- paw- pawing at the door. The paw- paw- paw- pawing was followed by a faint “Meeeeeeow?” The meows were gentle at first, it seemed that the two very adorable grown-up cats had no idea what they had done to deserve such punishment. Fur Mommy and Fur Daddy ignored the meows, tossing and turning as they tried desperately to fall asleep.
But the meows got louder. And louder. And even LOUDER. And the paw- paw- paw- pawing grew more and more urgent, and even LOUDER THAN THE MEOWS until finally Fur Mommy and Fur Daddy just. couldn’t. take. it. anymore.
Fur Daddy hurled the covers off of his tired body, and angrily stormed toward the bedroom door. Fur Mommy checked the clock; she hung her head in sorrow, knowing there was no way she was getting her full eight hours that night. Fur Daddy flung the bedroom door wide open to find two stunned-looking but very adorable grown-up cats sitting in the hallway, looking as innocent as the day they were born.
“Fine,” Fur Daddy growled. “But you better behave.”
But of course, the two very adorable grown-up cats did not behave. Fur Mommy woke in the night to find Maverick lying on her face, Fancy’s butt trying to push her head off of her own pillow and both cats trying to spoon with Fur Daddy. It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad night with the two very adorable grown-up cats.
-The Wife in Training