Good morning friends!
A lot has happened in the last few weeks, including, but not limited to: traveling to California for Juliette’s wedding, deep-cleaning my house from top to bottom, making a one-day-only Canton trip, burning the crap out of my finger on the grill in the backyard, traveling to Colorado for my sister-in-law’s wedding, posting the first chapter of my book on the internet and my inevitable demise due to the common cold.
Let’s start at the top: JULIETTE’S WEDDING!!!!
Disclaimer: I am going to try my hardest to convey how supremely awesome her wedding weekend was, but please accept that words will undoubtedly fall short of reality because things this amazing can never be adequately expressed.
I flew into LAX ~very~ early in the morning, and after thoroughly caffeinating myself, met up with Faith and her wonderful fiancé Justin, who were kind enough to pick me up. And also not murder me (both my husband and mother were very concerned that my internet friends would turn out to be murderers). After we hugged for an amount of time that would make most people uncomfortable, but was only passably borderline ALMOST enough for us, we got in the car and went to get Sami (formerly of Sami’s Shenanigans) and her BF, Brian.
Sami and Brian brought breakfast burritos for everyone, and the heavens rejoiced. I’m convinced California is the most magical place on earth, if for no other reason besides the sheer monstrous size of aforementioned burrito. It was as big as my head, and I ate every single bite.
We drove up the Pacific Coast Highway (I think?) taking turns requesting songs, and singing/rapping along. We stopped at Trader Joe’s in Santa Barbara (aka Heaven on Earth) for a bathroom/snack break, and it was in the checkout line that we all worked out our cover story for how we had come to be traveling together. It went something like this:
Cashier: You girls look like you’re having so much fun together!
Faith: We really are, we haven’t seen each other in a really long time (see also: ever).
Cashier, smiling: How do you all know each other?
Me (very loud and said much too fast): WEMETINCOLLEGEGERMANCLASS.
*Cashier eyes me suspiciously*
*I smile like an idiot*
If anyone asked, our official cover story became: We met in college German class, but none of us were good at German and we don’t like to talk about it.
Then I forced everyone to listen to Reba McEntire’s “Fancy” as we drove into San Luis Obispo.
Once we’d checked into our hotel rooms, we got ready for the wedding (read: drank Kraken rum while Faith curled her hair and I put on whorish amounts of lipstick).
AND THEN IT WAS TIME TO GO TO THE WEDDING AND SEE OUR BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS BRIDE JULIETTE.
The wedding was at the most beautiful venue, and everything was absolutely perfect. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping and Juliette was the prettiest bride in the history of brides.
Except for me, of course. (#Humility) I’ll say we tied for first place.
The ceremony was perfect, Juliette’s dad led it and her precious, adorable niece Baby Kate (have you seen her new Instaccount?) was the flower girl. I teared up when J’s grandmother was escorted down the aisle, because I know how much J loves her. And therefore I, by proxy, love her too. The ceremony was perfect in every way.
After the ceremony, it was party time! Juliette was a very kind and thoughtful bride –and also very pretty, as we have already established– and fed us all Chipotle at the reception. CHIPOTLE. I ate Chipotle with one of my internet besties, and now everything is right in the world. Also, after seeing Juliette’s wedding I would really like a wedding do-over. Kgreatthanks.
We talked and laughed and danced and had the best time, and we only forced Juliette to take about eleven thousand pictures with us. Oh and one of my favorite parts of the whole wedding was after the dances, Baby Kate learned that microphones are things that exist and kept stealing the one from the DJ booth. It was muted (unfortunately for all of watching adoringly), but that didn’t stop girlfriend from living her best life singing into it and dancing all over the place.
When the reception was over (sad) and it was time for Juliette and Keith to go off and begin their honeymoon (happy), we took off on our own down the street Juliette had told us we could find bars.
And find bars, we did. We started at one, went to a second, then went back to the first. Miley Cyrus was on, the drinks were cheap and life was good. Somewhere between drinks no. 4 and 5, I danced on a table with Sami. #noregrets
The next morning (can you believe all that happened in only one day? I still can’t) we all climbed into the car to drive back to LA for our flights, but we weren’t in a hurry. We drove down beautiful coastal highway, ate life-changing burgers at In-N-Out and played in the Pacific Ocean – I’d never been in it before! It was amazing in every possible way.
And thus concludes one of the happiest, most fun weekends in recent memory. I’m already plotting how/when I can next hang out with Juliette, Faith and Sami. Okay that’s all the end goodbye.
—The Wife in Training