Step 1: Make elaborate, fantastic plans to stay in and enjoy a romantic, delicious dinner with your S.O. – preferably while wearing sweatpants.
Step 2: Become absurdly excited about aforementioned plans to stay in.
Step 3: Prepare the romantic, delicious dinner.
Step 4: Indulge accordingly. (Note: champagne optional, but encouraged, at this point.)
Step 5: Perform a variety of tasks in the down hours between dinner and midnight, including – but not limited to: watching Harry Potter, making out with your husband, snuggling your cats and picking up rogue items from around the house.
Step 6: While performing that last task, be extra careless when descending your carpeted staircase. With any luck, the item you’re carrying will be a puffy faux down vest, which you might be so fortunate as to drop, and consequently slip on with your sock-clad feet.
Step 7: Tumble down your staircase –on your ass– in a spectacular display of idiocy.
Step 8: Cry dramatically.
Step 9: Make your poor, sweet, handsome husband worry that you might have a concussion (if only the both of him would hold still and stop swaying back and forth.)
Step 10: Fall asleep on your side, cursing the new year and the evil staircase that dared defy you.
Bonus – spend the rest of the extended weekend lying down in bed not working on your awesome new book or seeing any beloved family members!
The end that’s all my tailbone hurts goodbye.
—The Klutz in Training