Once upon a time in love and marriage

Once upon a time there was a handsome prince and a beautiful princess.

They met at a bar through mutual friends, fell in love, got married and lived happily ever after.

prince and princess

Photo by her royal highness Queen Lisa Frittz of Camralynz Photography.

Except no one told them this whole marriage schtick is frigging hard.

Okay, so maybe they did. But maybe the prince and princess kind of thought everyone was just exaggerating a tad.

Now, don’t shoot the messenger: the prince and princess are still very much in love, and both still think the other poops rainbows and sunshine. But the prince and princess were quickly discovering how hard it is to learn to compromise, and that all arguments aren’t about winning but about understanding both sides and moving forward as a stronger, more unified royal couple.

So the prince and princess go out to sushi for dinner. The big, populous kingdom in which they live is notoriously overcrowded and full of inept drivers, and the princess may or may not have a bit of a road rage problem. Nothing crazy, just the usual: brake-checking, tailgating and daintily flipping the bird to drivers who are clearly incapable of operating their motorized caravans.

This does not sit well with the prince.

You see, the prince is so very responsible and patient and reasonable and wonderful, and the princess truly admires that he never lets his temper get the best of him. Except when he is riding shotgun in her princess carriage during rush hour on their way to dinner.

The prince becomes nervous. He grabs the woah nelly handlebar and says, “Hey, maybe you could back off of that horse-drawn carriage in front of us just a bit.”

The princess responds silently but powerfully with an ever-so-lovely “back the eff off, I got this Princeypoo” eye glance.

The prince and princess drive on.

“Woah, why are you passing that slow-moving pedestrian, we need to exit the royal highway soon!” exclaims the anxious prince.

“Because, darling, the pedestrian is in the right lane and we are in the left lane, therefore we should be moving faster than them. Plus our exit off of the royal highway is still a whole quarter of a mile away,” responds the princess, quickly growing agitated.

With great tension and much passive-aggressive sighing, the prince and princess exit the royal highway and make their way to the kingdom of cheap-and-hopefully-not-too-shady-$10-buffet sushi, where they enjoy a lovely dinner together.

Oh, and neither of them gets food poisoning, in case you were wondering. The $10 royal sushi buffet is a go.

The prince and princess hoist their sushi-laden bellies back into her princess carriage to return to the castle. Lo and behold as they re-enter the royal highway, they encounter a terrible traffic jam. Horses are running amok everywhere, caravans are stalled where they stand and great confusion abounds. Naturally, this irritates the impatient and somewhat rage-y princess. She begins to aggressively merge between lanes.

“Sweetheart, stop driving your princess carriage like a madwoman. We’re not getting home any faster.”

“Excuse me sweet prince, I am driving and I am handling it. We will be back to the castle in no time.”

Tense bickering ensues. The prince and princess grumble back and forth, each making snide comments toward the other. The princess continues to maneuver her princess carriage in a way that some might call….assertive.

“STOP IT. You’re making me very uncomfortable. You can’t just drive that way, we’re going to crash and we can’t afford a stupid carriage accident right now,” bellows the red-in-the-face prince.

The princess has had it. “WELL THEN YOU CAN GET OUT AND WALK BACK TO THE CASTLE FOR ALL I CARE.”

And then the prince and princess didn’t speak to each other for 19+ hours, and when they finally made up the princess vowed never to let the prince ride in her princess carriage ever again.

And they lived happily ever after.

2 Comments

  • Reply February 28, 2014

    Juliette

    Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

    That’s all I have to say.

    That, and you are an excellent writer.

    • Reply February 28, 2014

      admin

      OMG you’re making me blush through my iced plum. Thank you. :)

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