The other day my beloved Aunt Linda, who is currently visiting the beautiful Rocky Mountains of Colorado, texted my mom, some of their friends and me some photos of her trip so far. The photos were stunning, and it looked like Aunt Linda was having a wonderful time. It’s very rude of her, really, given that I am not also in the mountains with her.
Pictures like this.
Growing up we visited the mountains twice a year: once to go camping outside of Silverton, Colorado during the summer, and the second time to go skiing in the winter. Please indulge the following hippie-crunchy-granola moment, but the mountains are a part of my soul, and when I am away from them for too long I miss them. Like really miss them. Reeeeeeeaaaaally really miss them. So much so, that I might even begin text messaging my husband that we should maybe, probably, consider moving to a mountainous location.
So today we’re going to discuss should I stay or should I go (earworm, anyone?). Should Andy and I move to the mountains, or remain in Texas
like civilized people. Just kidding. Ish.
- There are mountains there
- No, really. There are mountains there. Do you know how flat and boring North Texas is?
- Hiking and beautiful scenery
- Mountain-related adventures
- It’s probably too cold up there for spiders to be much of a problem, which, given that the yard outside our house is currently on par with a Chamber of Secrets-level spider infestation because #summerinTexas, is more than a little bit appealing
- Cooler temperatures (read: fewer premature hot flashes)
- Snow and lots of cozy fires in the fireplace and delicious
spikedapple cider in the winter
- There are mountains where Faith lives, so I could move there and be IRL BFFS
- I could maybe find gold there, or at least get my own mountain-living-themed reality show on the Discovery channel
- Sledding is pretty fun
- I could finally fulfill my lifelong dream of growing a beard and becoming a hermitic mountain man
- Speaking of mountain lifestyle facial hair, I could probably get away with less meticulous eyebrow maintenance. And if they revert to their natural, triangular caterpillar shape, then so be it. I feel like everything’s just more chill in the mountains.
- If I move to Colorado, specifically, I could always take up recreational use of marijuana
- Moving is hard and I am extremely lazy
- The mountains are reeeeeaaaaally far away from my family
- Hiking boots are ugly and kind of rub my anklebones in a weird way
- Driving in snow is ridiculous and impossible
- My hair really doesn’t look very good in those fluffy ski-type hats
- Good Tex-Mex would probably be really hard to find
- Ditto to any hope of finding a Taco Bueno anywhere nearby
- It can get cold there, and I’d probably have to buy one of those floor-length puffy coats…..and I’m afraid it would make me look fat
- I finally found a lady doctor I like, and I really don’t want to have to break in a new one
So there you have it. What would you do? Should I move to the mountains and become a pot-smoking mountain man? Or should I stay in Texas with the Tex-Mex and my lady doctor? Please advise.
—The Wife in Training
—The Wife in Training