^^^Current vibe on this Tuesday-that-feels-like-a-Monday after the long weekend. Granted, this current vibe may be due to the fact that my insomnia chose to rear its ugly head last night for the first time in several months. Note to self: locate and acquire some serious knock-out drugs. Note to reader: if you have any that you would like to share, please ship them to me immediately.
Do you know what the hardest part of blogging is for me? Finding a way to introduce a weekend recap post. It’s like if the post doesn’t have a specific theme and I’m just planning to blather on incessantly (you’re welcome), I can’t figure out how to use my words. This is both strange and embarrassing for someone who fancies herself a writer. Anyway, that’s happening right now so let’s just pretend that I’ve written a lovely and eloquent introduction that seamlessly segues into my weekend recap. Thanks for playing along, you’re the best.
In case you have already forgotten, this weekend was Memorial Day and therefore offices were closed yesterday and most (mine included) closed early on Friday to observe the holiday. Friday I left work around 3 and
sped drove carefully home to greet my husband who claimed he wasn’t sick, he just had allergies. Yeah, whatever Hess. I took him to dinner at a pho restaurant that our neighbor owns, because apparently in my brain soup cures all ailments. He didn’t complain though, he got spring rolls and peanut sauce out of the deal. The power went out mid-meal, only for a second, because Dallas-Fort Worth is the new Seattle and it hasn’t stopped raining/storming for 40 days and 40 nights. I spent the rest of the night building an ark and gathering only the animals that I care to have in my new world order (so, like, a lot of cats).
Next morning I slipped silently out of the house, so as to not awaken the sickly sleeping husband, and headed my sleepy butt to the free neighborhood Saturday yoga class. There was some sort of an ant infestation in the room where we were yoga-ing, and I am now the proud new owner of two ant bites on my butt (or as the British say, my arse). That’ll teach me to weenie out on the bridge pose.
After yoga I took the world’s fastes shower and got ready in record time, because Andy and I were headed to the Crowne Plaza Invitational (a golf tournament). I like to joke that it takes me an hour and a half to become naturally beautiful (hint: it’s not a joke), and Saturday I condensed it to a mere THIRTY MINUTES. Andy rewarded me with drive-through breakfast from Whataburger, aka the best reward in the history of rewards. Except for tacos. And wine. And a million dollars. And sexytime. But I digress. We made it to the golf tournament just in time to traipse through the mud (remember? 40 days and 40 nights of rain? my ark with all the cats?) and see some cool golfers hit some cool golf balls and pee in a very cool (not) port-a-potty. Surprisingly enough I enjoyed myself and I wasn’t even drinking. The golf was actually fun to watch. I might even go back in the future. Trust me, no one’s more surprised than I am.
Next up we headed to my parents’ house to hang out with my family for the afternoon. Just in case anyone had forgotten, my family is wonderfully and perfectly weird – in true Landgraf form, Saturday afternoon included musical entertainment in the form of both a kiddie accordion and a piano in a suitcase. You can see video evidence here and here. That night we went to dinner at a delicious Mexican restaurant where my dad ordered infinity appetizers, one of which revolved around the waitress pouring 151 over ooey, gooey, melty cheese straight out of the broiler, lighting it on fire, and then wrapping that ooey, gooey, melty, alcoholic cheese up in tortillas. It. was. heaven. It started raining again somewhere during dinner (surprise surprise) so Andy and I drove the ark back home to wait out the downpour.
Except the downpour never ended. That night, we woke at 2:30 AM to two very shrill and terrifying cell phone alarms alerting us to severe thunderstorms (hi, yeah, thanks local government, I can hear and see it outside my window) and a tornado watch for our exact area. We shot out of bed faster than….I don’t know, two shooting things, grabbed the petrified felines and headed to our downstairs bathroom – the only room in the house that doesn’t share any outside walls. Andy grabbed some throw pillows off the couch and we huddled in the bathtub, waiting for the storm to pass. I live-tweeted the whole thing, naturally. After half an hour of this middle-of-the-night forced fun, the weatherman gave us the all-clear to return to bed, which we were able to do after we finally managed to slow our heart rates and calm down. Then, at 5:30 AM we were
gently roused forcibly awoken by yet another shrieking alarm (okay but for real, how do they access our phones?!) alerting us that the severe storm watch had passed. Then we slept for a million years.
I just realized that I don’t have any pictures at all to put in this post. Like, none. Nada. Zero. Zilch. I’m sorry, I had to clear all my photos off my phone to make room for the hundreds (thousands) I will take in Europe. Then I just kind of forgot that my camera exists after that. My b.
Sunday was a low-key day. I did a little grocery shopping, forced Andy to go for a walk to the newly opened neighborhood pools (a lot of good those pools are doing us now that Texas has forgotten how to Texas and insists on raining all the time), and we put the final details together for the trip. Did I mention that we leave for London in less than two weeks? On June 6, to be specific. Holy hotdog I cannot wait.
Sunday, Andy had casually mentioned that he was craving a burger. So sneaky ol’ me decided to make him a healthier turkey burger and just kind of hoped he wouldn’t notice. Tricksy hobbitses. Don’t worry though, he definitely noticed. He took one bite and said “What the heck is this?” and I very calmly replied “IT’S TURKEY AND IT’S DELICIOUS SORRY FOR TRYING TO HELP YOU LIVE LONGER.” He ate it, but he made sure to let me know that he wasn’t happy about it. And I made sure to let him know that I didn’t care.
He’s so super lucky to have me, you guys.
Monday was Memorial Day and it was also low-key. I cooked us breakfast, then Andy decided he needed to mow the yard and asked if I would please pull the weeds in the small planted garden area in the front yard (gross). Somehow we worked out a deal where I would mow and HE would pull weeds (I swear he doesn’t realize what huge pain it is). That worked really, really well…..until it didn’t. Turns out his non-motorized vintage-style push mower is stupid heavy and stupid hard to push, even around our small little yard. I could only make it move when I put my foot on it and pushed/kicked it. I really wish I had a video to show you, it was completely ridiculous.
But don’t worry, I stopped mowing when I saw a little garden frog hopping nervously about. I didn’t want him to get chopped up in the blades when Andy inevitably took over, so I grabbed a cup and rescued him for safe passage on my ark. And by that I mean I walked him across the street to the pond. Frogs like ponds, right? I only screamed a little bit when he accidentally touched my hand. After the Great Frog Rescue of 2015 I gave in and began pulling weeds. It was gross, I hated it, I complained loudly and I think Andy and I broke up seven times during the process.
The rest of the day we spent languidly watching TV, reading and waiting out yet another thunderstorm. I made cajun smoked shrimp, dirty rice and roasted corn for dinner, then spent my evening watching Animal Planet’s HIGHLY FICTIONAL but still very entertaining The Cannibal in the Jungle (more on that later), and obviously The Bachelorette.
Isn’t it great when people write lengthy prose about really nothing that exciting, and you get to the end and say “Is that it?” Yep. That’s it. I would apologize, but it really was a very relaxing and delightful weekend (with the exception of that 2:30 AM tornado alarm). I don’t make the rules of bloggieland that dictate I, the blogger, tell you, the reader, about my weekend activities, I merely do as I’m told.
TL;DR – lots of storms, lots of food, I saved a frog’s life and we almost died in a tornado (we’re fine now though).
How was your Memorial Day weekend?
—The Wife in Training