Hello hello hello and happy Friday! You guys like it when I just talk and talk and talk aimlessly with no real point, kind of like blog diarrhea of the mouth, right? Good. Then I’m just gonna leave this post here and then back away slowly.
So the iPhone 6 comes out today. Well, technically that happened last week. I mean today it comes out for purchasing and buying and holding-in-your-own-two-handsing. And guys, I did it. I drank the Koolaid and pre-ordered. I’ve even working with a pre-Siri iPhone 4 for several years now, so I’m pretty dang excited about it.
I’m really moving up in the world, looking back at the first phone I ever had. My parents had a rule – no phones til age 13. Fair enough in hindsight, but at the time all my friends’ much cooler parents had already given their kids Nokia’s timeless early models. When I finally got one I slapped a see-through lime green plastic case on that bad boy and named him Kiwi Herman. Get it? I was so funny and clever back then. And gosh if I wasn’t the coolest 13-year-old playing snake in 7th grade history class this side of the Mason-Dixon.
After we figure out the cell phone business, Andy and I are hopping in the car and heading North to Tulsa, Oklahoma for my friend Abby’s wedding. Did you know that Texas is actually very large, therefore traveling to this city that, in my mind is relatively nearby, is going to take us four and a half hours? Andy said, “No bathroom breaks,” and I was dead serious when I told him “I am not above peeing on your leather.” Ball’s in his court at this point. Anyway, we’re going up tonight even though the wedding isn’t until tomorrow night because I’m doing half the bridal party’s hair, which is deeply exciting. And I’m serious. I realize that could have easily been misconstrued as sarcasm, but I really am excited. I’ve done a few friends’ weddings now and I love it – it’s such a unique way to contribute and be a part of your friend’s special day. Plus, you know, I get to keep the fancy hairspray afterwards and you all know that hairspray is one of my favorite things in this world, just under my love for tacos.
I’m debating how to entertain myself during the combined 9 hours I’m facing in the car over the course of the weekend. I could listen to Gone Girl with Andy, but I’ve already read it. I could sleep, but then I’ll miss the beautiful North Texas/Oklahoma landscape (LOL just kidding – come visit me and you’ll see what I mean). I could work on my manuscript because Andy tells me that laptops and Microsoft Word do in fact work inside of cars. Or I could play with my new phone. Let’s be real, it’s going to be that last one.
And then when I get home from Tulsa I have very exciting and glamorous things to do. Things like clean our master bathroom, scoop the poop from the kitty monsters’ litterboxes and book an appointment with my new sadist dentist to get my cavity filled. It’s okay to be jealous, I don’t blame you.
One last thing before I go (no Lindsay, don’t go, your life is so very interesting and your stream-of-consciousness ramblings aren’t annoying AT ALL and it’s also not at all weird the way you talk to yourself on your blog). Does anyone out there watch Big Brother? Bueller? Bueller? This is my first season to watch it, only 16 years late to this party y’all. But last night Andy and I got caught up on the twenty gazillion episodes they run per week and SPOILER ALERT: Frankie went home and then the heavens rejoiced. I really, really liked him at first but then he turned out to be prettier and more fabulous than me, and I just can’t have that.
Oh and also I’ve been thinking about getting a fancy blog signature graphic like all my cool blogger friends, but I can’t decide what I’d want it to look like. I’m telling you, the things that happen in my mind are riveting.
If I were a good blogger I’d search for gifs or images of some kind to fill out all these words but I woke up late and my hair is flat and I can’t be bothered.
I don’t deserve my own signature graphic.
—The Wife in Training