The habits I’m going to share with you today are charming and lovable, and definitely not at all irritating….right? RIGHT?! Right.
The Doorknob Problem
I have a lovely, adorably quirky habit of leaving discarded items of clothing hanging from any and every available door handle. These items can include, but are not limited to: tank tops, pairs of Andy’s work pants, sports bras, towels, etc. Andy says it’s “gross” and “not normal,” and by that I’m sure he means it’s endearing and only makes him love me that much more.
Putting Things Away
Know what I’m super great at? Doing the dishes, then leaving things drying on the dish rack all week. Getting the mail, then leaving it sitting on the counter until Andy either deems it important or tosses it out. Doing the laundry and then leaving the items I’m too lazy to hang up sitting on the lounge chair in our bedroom. And also, lists.
I know it’s not going to get me there faster, thank you collective universe. But i’ve tried for years and despite my best efforts, I can’t get away from it. Just this morning some idiot chose to stall his monstrous garbage truck smack dab in the middle of a five-lane highway, rather than politely on the shoulder like a normal person. Traffic was backed up for 35 extra minutes. Did I extend kindness and compassion to this stranger clearly having a difficult morning? Heeeeeeeeeck no. I honked my little heart out and judged him tremendously. I’m a gem, really.
Talking to My Cats Like They’re Babies
Because they’re my pwecious pwecious babies and momma loves dem so vewy vewy much yes she does, yes she does!
Please tell me you do this one too. I work out for a few months, decide I’ve reached my quota for the year, and then stop until my pants don’t fit. Then I start all over again.
Similarly: Episodic Blogging
It’s just that blogging is sometimes really hard you guys. I get an idea and then I think “Oh no, so-and-so already did that, and much better than I ever could,” or “That’s only funny to you, freak.” I feel like lately all my creativity has been poured into the book and so when it comes time to write things for this here blog, my brain is dryer than red Texas clay in August. Consequently I blog once, maybe twice per week. And a regular, dependable posting schedule? Hah. HAH HAH. That’s a good one.
Side note: I am pleased to announce that my book officially has a new, unused-by-other-authors-also-writing-new-adult-action/adventure-stories title: ON MOUNTAIN HIGH.
Peeing With the Door Open
Yep. Guilty. This is hands-down Andy’s favorite of all my adorable quirks and he never ever gets mad when he walks by and gets toilet-flashed.
Only Cleaning When Company is Coming Over
And by company I mean 10+ people. Otherwise, unless I am in a VERY strange mood, or really avoiding revising the book, there is no cleaning that is done in my house. The other night Andy not-so-subtly mentioned, “I was thinking maybe it would be a good investment to hire someone to clean the house.” If I were a good wife I would do that myself, but gosh I’m only one woman. I can’t work full time and cook all our meals and write books and blogs and keep two humans plus two cats alive and attempt aforementioned episodic exercise AND clean. I’m tired just typing all that.
So there you have it. My bad habits. Now ‘fess up and share yours.
—The Wife in Training