I Have No Bad Habits….None, Not Even One

The habits I’m going to share with you today are charming and lovable, and definitely not at all irritating….right? RIGHT?! Right.

The Doorknob Problem
I have a lovely, adorably quirky habit of leaving discarded items of clothing hanging from any and every available door handle. These items can include, but are not limited to: tank tops, pairs of  Andy’s work pants, sports bras, towels, etc. Andy says it’s “gross” and “not normal,” and by that I’m sure he means it’s endearing and only makes him love me that much more.

 

bathroom

Pictured: things on bathroom door handles.

Putting Things Away
Know what I’m super great at? Doing the dishes, then leaving things drying on the dish rack all week. Getting the mail, then leaving it sitting on the counter until Andy either deems it important or tosses it out. Doing the laundry and then leaving the items I’m too lazy to hang up sitting on the lounge chair in our bedroom. And also, lists.

Road Rage
I know it’s not going to get me there faster, thank you collective universe. But i’ve tried for years and despite my best efforts, I can’t get away from it. Just this morning some idiot chose to stall his monstrous garbage truck smack dab in the middle of a five-lane highway, rather than politely on the shoulder like a normal person. Traffic was backed up for 35 extra minutes. Did I extend kindness and compassion to this stranger clearly having a difficult morning? Heeeeeeeeeck no. I honked my little heart out and judged him tremendously. I’m a gem, really.

Talking to My Cats Like They’re Babies
Because they’re my pwecious pwecious babies and momma loves dem so vewy vewy much yes she does, yes she does!

 

cats

They are not amused.

Episodic Exercise
Please tell me you do this one too. I work out for a few months, decide I’ve reached my quota for the year, and then stop until my pants don’t fit. Then I start all over again.

Similarly: Episodic Blogging
It’s just that blogging is sometimes really hard you guys. I get an idea and then I think “Oh no, so-and-so already did that, and much better than I ever could,” or “That’s only funny to you, freak.” I feel like lately all my creativity has been poured into the book and so when it comes time to write things for this here blog, my brain is dryer than red Texas clay in August. Consequently I blog once, maybe twice per week. And a regular, dependable posting schedule? Hah. HAH HAH. That’s a good one.

Side note: I am pleased to announce that my book officially has a new, unused-by-other-authors-also-writing-new-adult-action/adventure-stories title: ON MOUNTAIN HIGH.

Peeing With the Door Open
Yep. Guilty. This is hands-down Andy’s favorite of all my adorable quirks and he never ever gets mad when he walks by and gets toilet-flashed.

Only Cleaning When Company is Coming Over
And by company I mean 10+ people. Otherwise, unless I am in a VERY strange mood, or really avoiding revising the book, there is no cleaning that is done in my house. The other night Andy not-so-subtly mentioned, “I was thinking maybe it would be a good investment to hire someone to clean the house.” If I were a good wife I would do that myself, but gosh I’m only one woman. I can’t work full time and cook all our meals and write books and blogs and keep two humans plus two cats alive and attempt aforementioned episodic exercise AND clean. I’m tired just typing all that.

So there you have it. My bad habits. Now ‘fess up and share yours.
—The Wife in Training

19 Comments

  • Reply March 12, 2015

    Sarah

    I like to make piles.. and leave them…books, bills, important papers… my husband LOVES it.

    • Reply March 16, 2015

      Lindsay Landgraf Hess

      Yep. Girl, I know that struggle.

  • Reply March 12, 2015

    Rose

    I like to leave my hair in the shower drain for my boyfriend to pick up.
    I have sever selective hearing in that if I am reading anything be it on my phone or a book, I tune everyone out. This is my boyfriend’s favorite as you can imagine.

    Also, the name reveal!?! Love it. Can’t wait to read the book so I know why this is the title.

    • Reply March 16, 2015

      Lindsay Landgraf Hess

      I leave my hair in the shower too! Except usually I swirl it up into a little ball on the wall, with every intention of picking it up later……until I forget and Andy gets in the shower and gets his panties in a wad because “gross there’s hair on the wall.” Men.

      And thank you, I’m so glad you like the new title!!!

  • NEW BOOK NAME YES YES YES YES YES SLAM DUNK HOME RUN AND OTHER SPORTS METAPHORS!

    I’m actually perfect so it’s hard for me to relate to this post at all…

    • Reply March 16, 2015

      Lindsay Landgraf Hess

      You are perfect, I’ve always said that about you. Taylor is the luckiest.

  • Reply March 12, 2015

    Juliette

    My worst habit is probably that I ALWAYS find a way to turn on water when Keith is in the shower. He’s like, “I AM GOING TO TAKE A SHOWER PLEASE DON’T TURN WATER ON” and I say to myself “don’t turn the water on don’t turn the water on don’t turn the water on” and while I’m saying that to myself I’ll flush the toilet/rinse some vegetables/wash my hands and not even realize I’m doing it.

    I also fart in my sleep.

    • Reply March 16, 2015

      Lindsay Landgraf Hess

      I snorted my Diet Coke on that last sentence of yours.

  • Reply March 12, 2015

    amber

    i’m in love with the new book title. IN. FREAKIN. LOVE.

    also, i hang things on all the door knobs. i don’t know why i CANNOT just put them away but the door knob seems to beg to have me do it.

    my worst habit: going a week without washing my hair. like i’ll be like ew amber it’s disgusting you must wash. and then don’t. again, and again, and again until it’s been a week and my scalp itches from the lack of hygiene.

    • Reply March 16, 2015

      Lindsay Landgraf Hess

      I am so glad I’m not the only one with the doorknob fetish. What is with us???

  • Peeing with the door open is LIBERATING. I get to do it almost every day while I’m home alone.

    • Reply March 16, 2015

      Lindsay Landgraf Hess

      #TeamDoorOpen

  • Reply March 13, 2015

    Jordan

    Episodic exercise/blogging = MY LIFE. I can’t wait to read your book 5923 times!

    • Reply March 16, 2015

      Lindsay Landgraf Hess

      Aww thanks friend!

  • I never close the door when I pee. And actually locking said door? HA. Also putting things away is highly overrated.

    Looooooove the new book title.

    • Reply March 16, 2015

      Lindsay Landgraf Hess

      We are soul mates. I knew it. And thank you!

  • Reply March 16, 2015

    Faith

    Hire someone to clean your house. Just do it.
    Think of all the wine you can drink and shows you can watch and baths you can take if you just let someone else clean your house.

    Also, I knew i loved you for a reason… actually like ALL of these reasons haha because we are practically the same person. Justin and Andy are so lucky.

    • Reply March 16, 2015

      Lindsay Landgraf Hess

      Can I hire you to clean my house? Except by “clean my house” I mean move here from Canada and be my live-in bestie, wine-drinking companion at all times?

  • Reply March 17, 2015

    Allie

    HI. I also like to leave things hanging on door knobs… specifically, but not limited to: necklaces, bras, underwear, scarves, and purses. I also think our door knobs are extra tiny or something because everything tends to fall off them.

    Other than that, I’m perfect.

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