Hello friends. In case you hadn’t heard, the most wonderful week of the year is upon us; that’s right, it’s SHARK WEEK. Let’s all give a big chomp of excitement.
*Chomp* *Chomp* *Chomp*
Well done! Today I’m going to teach you how to host the very best Shark Week party that ever partied. Here’s what you need to do:
Invite cool people.
For me, this is my family. My entire family. They’re the coolest people I now, and will ever, know.
Make delicious food. (Then fail to photograph most of it.)
As a suggestion, the delicious food should include –but is not limited to– ground beef tacos, shredded chicken tacos, enchilada casserole, fully loaded queso, two varieties of homemade salsa, shark-themed fruit displays, and FINtastic cupcakes. And alcohol. When you can’t be trusted with the more intricate, complex culinary stylings (aka the shark-themed fruit displays) outsource them to only your most trusted partners in Shark Week crime. i.e. Show your mom the Shark Week Buzzfeed article and let her replicate the shark jaws watermelon. It will be eleventy billion times better than anything you could ever do. Moms are just naturally good at this stuff, I think.
Drink only the most expensive wine.
Lololololol jk hold on, let me refill my glass from my cardboardaux before we go on.
Get your pets in on the action.
Dress them in the latest sharky fashion – trust me, they’ll love it. They won’t protest at all.
And that, friends, is how you throw the best Shark Week party ever. I hope you enjoy the most wonderful week of the year as much as I plan to.
—The Wife in Training