Don’t you dare have fun without me. I will find you. Like Liam Neeson. Or something like that.

I always fancied myself a badass.

But now all of a sudden I find out that I’m a great big people-loving people-pleaser.

Really, this is very new. Why didn’t you guys tell me? I knew I couldn’t trust you, this is why we can’t have nice things.

It feels less people-pleasing, more like wanting everyone to be happy. Those are totally different. Obviously.

I just want everyone to like me. Is that so crazy?

Except that guy I cut off driving home today. He probably doesn’t like me very much, and that’s OK because it’s totally mutual. He was driving like a douchebag.

I thought I was pretty independent growing up. I did my own thing. I joined the show choir because I wanted to. The cool kids wore Abercrombie-esque pastels, I wore several obnoxious patterns simultaneously with more than one sequined belt. Everyone was obsessed with straightening their hair, I cut mine off into an androgynous pixie cut a la Miley Cyrus.

No, you may not see any pictures.

I have killed people for less.

Ever since the substitute yearbook teacher wouldn’t let me go to the bathroom in eighth grade and I defiantly walked out anyway because DUH my cousin Flow was in town and like hell I was going to let a stranger give me toxic shock syndrome and die, I did what I wanted.

Marriage is different.

There is a man. In my house. Who expects to be listened to and compromised with.

What do you mean I have to put pants on?

          I’m just saying it makes me more comfortable if you wear pants when you sit on our couch. Especially when the windows are open.

He is so picky.

So the holidays are coming up. Our first holiday season as Mr. and Mrs.. I’m not saying “holiday season” in the politically correct context, although that’s all good too. I just meant to group Thanksgiving and Christmas into one so I didn’t have to continually type each one. Thanksgivemas.

Typing is hard, yo.

Because Andy and I are soooooo totally popular, both our families want us to celebrate with them. And I want to celebrate with them both. And I want them to both celebrate with us. And I want us all to celebrate in one big, magical group of family togetherness and love.

Though I won’t speak for Andy, because he mostly prefers to celebrate things at home, alone, without having to actually make any form of human contact.

To each their own.

What’s a newlywed couple to do? I don’t want to choose one over the other, it makes me feel sad and I get this overwhelming FOMO and I’m like “OHMYGOSH I can * feel * them having fun without us.”

Don’t you even think of having fun without me. I will find you.

It’s a gift.

Anywho, the age-old question: which came first, Thanksgiving with my family or Christmas with his? Or vice versa?

And OHMYGOSH what if I miss the chocolate cake?

After much weeping and gnashing of teeth – okay, really just after some wine – we finally decided the fairest thing to do is Thanksgiving with one family, Christmas with the other, then switch the next year. We will totally miss whatever family we’re not with, and I will be forced to beat them up for having fun without us.

You know, because of my gift and all.

I’m just glad the holidays of Thanksgivemas are close to each other, and that our families are close by. The world is our Thanksgivemas oyster. We are so blessed to have such wonderful families who love us. If you’re not so lucky, call me. I’m willing to share.

For pay.

Seriously though, all the FOMO is almost enough to make me want to pop a baby out and tell everyone we’ll be at home this Thankgivemas, come on over.


For daily shenanigans, follow me on Twitter.


  • Reply October 29, 2013

    Lacey Hammerlun

    Love this post!! And it is a stressful decision…Greg and I did the switch every other year too!! It’s a pretty good plan….this year is the first year we are having a dilemma because of work. Oh well we had a good 8 yr stretch! And we have kids so yes….you come to us is another option these days. :) xoxo
    ps I cracked up at your TSS classroom situation!!! I was terrified of TSS back then too!! lol

  • Reply October 30, 2013


    Hey that TSS is no joke! ;)

  • […] I’ve mentioned before how lucky we are to both have amazing families who love us and want to celebrate Christmas together and all that jazz. So celebrate we did. And things got ugly. Gingerbread house-decorating is, apparently, not for the faint of heart. […]

Leave a Reply