Dear Lady Who Rear-Ended Me

Dear Lady Who Rear-Ended Me (and Then Fled the Scene),

 

I’m sorry rush hour traffic is so heinous. We all hate it, you’re not alone.

 

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I’m sorry I merged in front of you with a perfectly acceptable distance of approximately four car lengths between us; that obviously wasn’t enough warning for you and your handicap-signed SUV.

 

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I’m sorry that your twisted, minuscule brain perceived this to be an act of gross injustice on my part.

 

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I’m sorry you felt led to tailgate me to the point where had you been any further up my ass you would have been….well, nevermind. No need to get gross.

 

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I’m sorry I didn’t notice the ragey look in your haggard old lady eyes or consider the fact that your vision was likely failing, and realize that I should have paid you more heed.

 

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I’m sorry that you felt the need to keep inching closer and closer and clooooooser to my innocent little Hyundai when I stopped at the red light.

 

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I’m sorry that you had a mini heart attack when you finally hit my bumper and instantly realized your immense wrongdoing. I’m not sorry, however, that I relished watching your terror in my rearview mirror.

 

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I’m sorry that you clearly had somewhere better to be than the Ross parking lot, where I politely gestured for you to please pull over so we could talk and exchange insurance information, and that you failed to do so. I’m sorry you’re an awful human and see no problem committing hit-and-run vehicular crimes.

 

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And lastly, I’m not even a little bit sorry for writing down your license plate and reporting your crime to the Dallas Police Department. What’s that they say about karma…? Sorry, I’m a little distracted. I’m busy talking to the officer who’s going to track your ass down.

 

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Love always,
The Wife in Training

 

13 Comments

  • Reply August 19, 2014

    Allie

    OMG. I love everything about this and I’m so glad you got her license plate number. What a CUTE (we’ll go with that word instead) lady she is to do such a thing. Lindsay 1, Bitch of a Hit and Runner 0.

  • WHAT A PERFECT ENDING TO THIS STORY!! I’m so glad you were able to get her license plate. I wish I could be there as the cops knocked on her door. My older brother did a hit and run before. It was just days after he got his license and he hit a parked car while trying to get into a parking space. He didn’t damage our family car at all, so he fled. It was the most hilarious thing ever when the cops came knocking on our door. Hopefully this old lady gets a hefty fine. I know Texas doesn’t play.

  • Boo! So glad you wrote the licensee plate down though and reported it. It’s one thing to maybe hit someone on accident, but to then leave? Not cool…

  • Reply August 19, 2014

    Juliette

    FIFTY POINTS TO YOU FOR GETTING HER LICENSE PLATE #. Bitches gots to learn.

  • WHAT THE WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!! I audibly gasped when I read the title. But you know. Like Juliette said. REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED COLD. Or something like that.

  • Reply August 19, 2014

    Stephanie

    hahaha *pwned* you go girl!

  • Reply August 19, 2014

    Sevi

    Please keep me posted on how this ends up. You know I was livid last night after hearing this!

  • Reply August 19, 2014

    Valery

    I’m so sorry this happened to you but those Real Housewives gifs were brilliant. I’m also soooo glad you got her license plate number!

  • UGH I’m so glad you got her plate number!

  • Reply August 19, 2014

    Faith

    WHAT! I cannot believe you got hit. This is so unbelievably un-Canadian and I’m offended for you. Glad you got her license plate. That damn cow.

  • Reply August 20, 2014

    Jess | Just Jess May

    Oh man, this story was MADE by the .gifs you chose. Thanks for perking my day up!

  • Reply August 20, 2014

    chelsea jacobs

    Hahaha SO perfect. I’m sorry that happened, but I’m really happy it gave you an excuse to use all these gifs.

  • The whole thing! Ahhh! Hope they track her down! haha

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