Booking Lady Appointments on the Phone with a Man

[Lights up on a dark stage. A woman sits, phone in hand, highlighted by a single spotlight. Cue ringing phone.]

Hello, Very Popular Fort Worth Spa and Salon, how can I help you?

Oh, um, hi. Sir. I’d like to book an appointment.

Great, can I get your name?

Lindsay Hess – I’m Donna’s client.

Great, what day and time would you like to schedule your appointment?

I was thinking this Saturday at 9 AM if she’s available?

She is. Let me get you all set up in the system. And what kind of service are we scheduling with Donna?

[Cue exaggerated, drawn-out pause. The audience should really feel the tension.]

Ummmm…

Ma’am?

Yes, I’m here.

[Another pause. The tension is palpable.]

Ma’am?

Ugh…It’s just weird and uncomfortable telling you, because you’re, you know… a man. And not even a man, but a stranger. A stranger man. I’ve never met you, you’re obviously new here, what happened to Linda? I used to talk to Linda. You and I don’t know anything about each other, we are total strangers. It’s just kind of weird to tell you, a man, that I want to schedule a (insert intimate lady spa service that hails from south of the equator).

Oh! No ma’am, I’m so sorry, it’s not awkward at all.

Well now it is because I just made it so.

[laughs] Please don’t worry ma’am, we ensure complete client confidentiality.

[End scene.]

 

 

Yes, confidentiality is obviously my concern especially when I decide to go and share it with the whole wide internet. Take your penis and get the heck outta dodge, I want to talk to a lady about lady services, okay?! OKAY. THANKYOUVERYMUCH.

 

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