Killer Brunch Spread

I’m not going to lie to you, I didn’t want to write this post. It’s not that I don’t love you, or brunch for that matter, because I do. I really do, Brunch, I love you. Please don’t ever leave me.

It’s just that this morning I woke up with this weird drippiness coming out of my nose, plus some strange stuffiness happening. I sat up and there was an earthquake in my body, there was mouth breathing and there was an elephant stomping around in my brain, which I really did not appreciate. Friggen head-stomping elephant. All topped off by the feeling that I’d slept under the business end of a Clydesdale all night long.

Cute.

I have come to the conclusion that I am dying of seasonal allergies. And before I do, I must bestow upon you the most crucial knowledge in the history of knowledge. How to put together a basic brunch.

These are the things that really matter in life, you know?

So when I’m dead tomorrow, please carry on and brunch without me. Think of me somewhere between the mimosas and the fruit plate.

Who are we kidding, there’s no place for fruit at my brunch party.

The mimosas are totally invited, though.

Here’s what you need:

Eggs
Cheese
Milk
Sausage
Pancake mix
Biscuits (the can variety will suit just fine, no need for that fancy homemade crap)
Country-style white gravy
Champagne
Orange juice
More champagne

And this majestic cat to judge you for the amount of calories consumed:

photo3Put your judgey face away Maverick, I saw you licking the gravy pan.

photoEggs. Eggs are delicious, this is no secret. If you have never brunched before, believe me when I tell you that eggs are important. Make them. Remember that cheese we talked about earlier? Make them with cheese and your husband will love you forever. I’m almost positive that the milk should go in there, too.

photo2I have mixed feelings on sausage. I love it in a breakfast sandwich situation, but the texture freaks me out when I eat it alone.

Next up: make pancakes. Be a bad Blogservationalist and forget to photograph them. Blame the mimosas for your forgetfulness.

Ditto with the biscuits. Although the lack of biscuit picture may or may not have more to do with the fact that Andy and I are impatient and overly indulgent and we ate them all.

photo4Don’t forget about your country-style gravy. Biscuits and gravy: proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. Preach.

I realize now that these pictures are somewhat less than appetizing and I have a lot to learn in the photography department. Whatever, I’m new. The photos will get better with time.

Hopefully the same will prove true of my cooking skills.

Now go. Go and make brunch for your loved ones. Enjoy the time you have with them. Remember me when I’m gone.

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