This week I had a major kitchen failure. It was really gross, even Andy didn’t eat it.
Well, not all of it, at least.
This just goes to show, the moment you get all big-headed and haughty and think “I can totally do the water boiling and the macaroni-from-a-box cooking and the PopTart making,” you will be smited for your arrogance.
Some recipes I try are so sinfully good that I just totally lose control of myself and wake up the next morning pregnant with a food baby, wondering how the heck my bra got stuck all the way up on the ceiling fan.
This recipe was nothing like that.
I tried to make the Pioneer Woman’s beef with snow peas. I mean, how delicious does that look?!
It looks very delicious.
It probably tastes very delicious when she cooks it.
Because she probably knows what she’s doing.
And what cornstarch is.
I mean, what? Who said that?
*googles cornstarch and clears browser history*
I followed the recipe. Chop green onions, mince fresh ginger, thinly slice some flank steak against the grain.
Next you mix up the yummy-looking sauce-to-be. I rebelled against PW’s bowl instructions, opting for a shakeable mason jar rather than a mixing bowl. Because life is better shaken, not stirred, or something profound like that. (Maybe that’s where I went wrong?) I added half the saucy wench mixture to the meat and let it sit for a while, per the instructions.
How could things go so totally wrong that it ended up tasting like the charred remains of a construction truck that hit a baby deer and spontaneously combusted in a fiery hellball of flaming, poisonous gas?
At least it looked pretty.
Disclaimer: I did not actually use snow peas. I could not for love or money find them at the stupid grocery store, not in the fresh OR frozen produce sections, and on top of all that I was mad at them because they lied in their advertisement about some 40% off Texas wine sale, and I talked to the manager and he was sooo not amused and then I started sobbing hysterically and frightening small children and Andy doesn’t even really like snow peas anyway. Pick your battles, friends.