This is quite possibly my new favorite food of all time. Except for tacos, nothing in the world will ever be able to replace my love for those crispy beef morsels of greasy deliciousness. But this special dessert treat is a darn close second. And I’m not even a sweets person.
So, full disclosure: this is not my original recipe. I found it online here, and when shockingly few of my friends had ever heard of this dessert, I knew I had to spread the word and post about them on my blog. So don’t get your panties in a wad, no, it’s not my original recipe. But I had to tell the world about it. Oh, also – the internet calls these “bayou” brownies but that sounds disgusting, I don’t want any swamp thaaaaaaangs up in my desserts. So I’m calling them “blondie” brownies.
Here’s What You Need
1 cup chopped pecans
1/2 cup butter, melted
3 large eggs
1 (18.25-oz.) package yellow cake mix
1 (8-oz.) package cream cheese, softened
1 (16-oz.) package powdered sugar
Here’s What You Do With That Stuff
First things first, pour yourself a glass of wine because you deserve it. Wait, no. I got ahead of myself. The REAL first thing first is to change out of your work clothes and into sweatpants. Baking can get complicated (except for this recipe), especially the end part where you consume everything you’ve just created, so it’s best to be prepared with stretchy pants. Just like I always say, dress for success (in bed). (No just kidding that was a joke, sorry Mom.)
Now that you’ve got your stretchy pants and cozy sweatshirt on, pour yourself the wine. So technically it’s second things second. Pour the wine, take a gulp sip, and take a selfie. There you go, you’re doing great.
Let’s address the obvious: yes I got bangs, no I’m not sure if I like them. They’re okay, I guess. I usually am more of a swoop bangs kind of gal, but every couple of years I up and decide “Hey, you know what’s a good idea? Bangs. Real ones.” and I’m always left slightly ambivalent. I think it’s because in my wildest hair dreams, my bangs look like Zooey Deschanel’s and frankly, that’s just not in the cards for me.
Moving on. Back to the actual cooking. I know you can buy pre-chopped pecans, but my beloved discount grocery store only sells them whole. Sure, I *could* buy them at Tom Thumb and pay twice as much but I’m cheap and I’m stubborn and also I really enjoy wielding an eight-inch blade (chef’s knife). So chop your pecans. If you’re a fancypants balla shot calla with pre-chopped pecans, then go ahead and melt your butter while the rest of us chop our pecans like peasants.
Now that your pecans are chopped (by hand because I’m a hard worker) and your butter is melted, put both of those things into a big mixing bowl with the dry cake mix, and also one of your eggs. The goal here is to blend until the mixture is well combined. I suppose you could do this by hand, too, but I already chopped the pecans by hand at this point the wine was hitting me and sometimes cooking is just really hard, so I used my electric hand mixer. Does it still count as “by hand” if the mixer has “hand” in its name? Methinks yes.
Once your mixture is nice and mix-y, press it into the bottom of a 9×13” baking pan that you have greased to infinity and beyond. It’s going to be a kind of thin layer, don’t worry. It’s supposed to look like that. You’re doing a great job.
Now it’s time for everyone’s favorite part (besides the wine): THE ICING. Yum yum yum. Let me tell you, this stuff is so gosh darn scrum-diddly-umptious that it took everything inside of me not to dive face-first into the bowl.
So here’s what you want to do. Or maybe you don’t want to do it, I don’t know your life. But, if you feel so led, put your powdered sugar, block of cream cheese and remaining two eggs into the same bowl you just used. No sense dirtying a second. All you have to do is blend the mixture until it’s smooth and perfectly combined. I again used my electric hand mixer here, but you can use a whisk if you prefer.
Pro tip: this whole icing-stirring business can take kind of a while, because the cream cheese can be a little high maintenance and refuse to become un-lumpified in your mixture. But keep going, you will prevail. That being said it’s probably a good idea to refill your wine glass before you start stirring. You’re welcome.
Now you’re ready for the final step: spreading the icing over the cake mixture layer. Once you have mastered this (it shouldn’t take long unless you’ve started in on a second bottle of wine…then you might have some struggles), bake your delicious dessert at 325 degrees for 38-40 minutes. Just long enough to drive you wild with the glorious aroma.
When it comes out it should look something like this:
Now go. Bake. Enjoy. Bring me half.
—The Wife in Training